More details forthcoming for the 2013 event!
Date: Saturday, July 13
Time: ~11:00
Drum roll, please.  We are proud to announce the “winners” of the 2012 Race for the Average Jo)e)!
Mean
Ron McKinnon 2:16:07

Average Joe 2012 Ron McKinnon

Median
Justin Herbert 2:15:05

Median Winner 2012 Justin Hebert

Mode
Team Tutti Frutti
Mode: Team Tutti Fruiti
And a Few Others Worth Mentioning…
Our Favorite Mode of Transport
Here Piggy!
The Pig Girls
Tightest Outfit
Sam Beardsley
Biggest Outfit
Kelly Patterson
Most Original Group
Amble Flow Flop
Clothes War Kids (runner-up)
Original Floatation Device
Jen Martin
Best Adorned Family
Tanya, Jeff and Kid Quinn 

The Quinn Family; Our Heros!

MILF
Insane Mom Posse
Town Park, Pagosa Springs
Saturday, July 28th
Starting around 11:00 a.m.
View this year’s Course!
The “race” is a one-of-a-kind, do not miss event.  Why?  Because unlike the Ironman, regular people actually have a chance at winning*!  You may question how this could be, as you are just an average Jo(e) Six-Pack with no exceptional athletic aptitude? Well, this race rewards being average. The winner is the “Jo(e)” that posts the most average time (that is the mean, not median or mode, though these numerical positions often receive recognition as well).  In addition, scoring by somewhat capricious judges may also take into account bonus points for consumption of edibles, gears on the race bike in excess of one, any sandals lost during the race, or any other element that makes a participant more or less average.  The course takes (on average) 2.13 hours to complete.
If you are not yet convinced this race was made for you, you would be happy to know that there are comfort stations – notice they are not “aid” stations- along the way. These stations provide race participants with high caloric value snacks and simple carbohydrates to keep the participants on course. These locally sponsored comfort stations will be positioned strategically along the course to provide support, comfort, and maybe a bit of song and dance for participants during the event.  Of course, the event organizers want to make sure that participants are not over-exerted during the completion of this demanding don’t-try-athalon.
In order to assure a level playing field for the determination of which participant is actually most average, there are six sacred rules by which participants must abide, listed below in no particular order:
  1. All participants must start (and finish) with an equal number of thongs as they have feet. Any thongs lost during the race will result in a point deduction for the participant and a severe scolding about the horrors of littering.
  2. “Tubes” are considered any inflatable device that lacks a method of propulsion besides the body parts of the rider; creativity in this category is encouraged and rewarded.
  3. The “cruiser” ride may be completed on any wheeled and human-powered device.  In the past this often materializes as a single speed ‘cruiser bike,’ but by no means is the race segment limited to this simple (yet ingenious) mode of transportation.  It is worth noting that participants with more than one gear will be penalized accordingly (and calorically).
  4. Flip-flops (thongs) are defined as any footwear that does not have a heel strap.
  5. Participants can wear as little or as much clothing as desired (though we encourage consideration of all relevant laws).  This may include a costume (designed, borrowed, found, or reclaimed).   However, every participant’s event-issued identification sweat band*** must be visible at all times during completion of the course.
  6. Finally,(drum-roll, please): this event is designed to be the funnest thing you will do this summer.  If it appears to the unqualified judges as if a participant’s fun-o-meter dips below average during this event, said participant will be given an initial tongue lashing as a warning.  If the dysfunction of the participants fun-o-meter persists, said participant may be recommended for disqualification or fined excessively (and calorically).
IMPORTANT LOGISTICS:
  • Registration is $20 per person. You can register as a team or as an individual.
  • Please cruise responsibly! There are no open containers allowed in Town.
  • Tubes are available to rent from Pagosa Outside or Summit Ski and Sport. However, there will be an award for the most creative flotation device, amongst awards for other exceptional stylistic additions.

    Get your race number!

The Pig Girls